Magic Forums

Here's a classic bit of witch humor:

HOW TO TELL IF YOUR NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR IS A WITCH

1. You casually ask her what phase the moon is in, and she tells you down to the exact number of days, hour and rising, position on the horizon, and current angle of declination.

2. All the stray cats in the neighborhood tend to congregate in her garden.

3. Doesn?t cut down the weeds in her garden; in fact it looks more like she?s cultivating them. Needless to say, there are always seeds wafting over onto your pristine lawn.

4. Most of her clothes on the wash line are black.

5. She can?t even make a simple sandwich without adding fresh herbs to it. And don?t ask her for tea unless you want something yellow colored and smelling of flowers.

6. She hardly ever gets junk mail. You ask her what her secret is, and she confides that she returns it to sender after writing something on it in strange curly symbols.

7. When you pop next door for a chat, the kettle is always already on.

8. The Jehovah?s Witnesses never call (not anymore; not after the last time).

9. Her house always smells of incense.

10. You sometimes hear the sound of singing and dancing through the wall. You look outside and it?s a Full Moon.

11. Doesn?t kill spiders. Even the big, nasty, hairy ones.

12. She has lots of female friends who come round each month. When you ask her what they are up to, she says they just have cakes and ale and good vibrations.

13. Expectant mothers are forever visiting her. Also women, who become expectant mothers after visiting her.

14. You ask to borrow a pack of cards for an impromptu bridge game, and there are 78 in the pack.

15. You catch her washing a crystal ball along with the dirty dishes.

16. She tells you that she is coming out of the broom closet, joins the Witches? Voice, and erects a stained glass pentacle window above her front door.