Magic Forums

Hello! I'm wondering if anyone has an opinion or even if someone reading this can pick up on anything from/around me.
My energy is just...wrong. I can't see auras, and my clairaudient signs are only vague key terms, so I feel lost. What I do know:
My sphere of influence is bigger than my house, I'm aware of things that happen because of me but I can't control them. For example when I feel my energy surge (for any reason) things around me... flex? Nothing falls or breaks like a poltergeist but plastic bottles crinkle or the house gives a slight shake, or there is a loud knock on my door behind me.
I feel like I am a very strong person psychically but almost like my magical/spiritual connection is broken now. Could my self loathing be keeping my energy so sick I can't use it properly? Am I blocked by the disgusting energy of other people? I've had sexual abuse from more than one person as a kid and until 17. I am not afraid of anything but I feel a spiritual chill from my grandmother; she has abilities too but doesn't fully understand or use them either. Chakra healing helps me but seems to fade so quickly. I have so many symptoms of blocked or out of line chakras, I feel the only lasting thing I can do is cover myself head to toe in rainbows; I can't spend many hours a day taking time to heal my chakras for only a short relief.
Is there anything that I can make/carry to help my energy issues and maybe keep the channels clear?
Thank you all!
-Levit