It's hard for me to open up for communication because usually my own negative point of view gets in my way. Either that or the spirits that hang around me will just say my name over and over again. I really hate it when they start yelling. For example I asked in my mind what would make me happy and that little voice in my head was the first to speak up and it said "kill". But I have enough self control to not listen to my first instinct because if I did then I would have been dead years ago.
How do you receive information from your gods personally? I'm still a bit hung up on my past experiences and emotions.
Feel free to ignore this next bit.
If you can't tell by now I have a few abandonment issues. It started with my biological parents giving me up at 2 weeks old. It doesn't help that my adoptive father died when I was 6 and I was told "God decided it was his time". The first time I ever remember praying was when I was 6 and I prayed for my father's lung cancer to be cured. Of course it didn't work but looking back that was just foolish optimism of a child. I have gotten to the point to abandon optimism because I have no reason to be optimistic. My hope is to only avoid further pain. It's probably foolish of me at this point to think I will ever get to paradise of any sort. My main goal as far as afterlife is to continue to learn and grow.
So far following the one path that was given to me has gotten me no where so now I'm wanting to know which ones have a more personal feel to them. They have said that God is all powerful and all knowing. I try not to ask much from God because I feel as though if I prayed as much as my family I would just be a burden.
Sounds like you are in the process of soul searching of yourself. You need to remember that with any religion or belief, people can interepret things in different ways. So not all stuff will work the same from one person to another. We are all human, so we are neither good nor bad and our actions/emotions can easily shift, but that doesn't make us any different.
In dealing with any types of magical path, you will always be loved by the spirits and energy. Energy is the key element here. You can find it everywhere. The deities / gods /godess / spiritual bodies are also connected within the energy. Yes, you can contact these beings/entities via using astral energies, dreams, rituals, etc. But their communication may not come across as verbal. Each person has their own experience and different results. Plus, you must remember, there will always be something in every religion/belief that will not make sense to someone and even create disbelief.
In order to feel not so tortured, you need to try out and study the area of your interest. Something will connect. Just don't have fear as fear creates barriers and blockages in your own self. That is why you have to follow your heart.
Having faith is always hard to come by now a days.It sure doesn't help when you never receive any actual proof that you can see,touch,hear etc.Being raised in a world where lies are spread so far i understand your skepticism.What you seek is not at all impossible to attain and can be very rewarding when done.If there's one thing you should know is faith is a very powerful tool aside from intent or fear.My educated guess would be the reason why you aren't getting anything to actually go on is because of the lack of openness.You said it yourself,you don't attempt to contact any other god out of fear so why would they appear to someone who couldn't handle their presence?Nothing happens over night bud,keep doing what your doing you will see your requested results soon enough.
