Healing my past wounds

I'm posting here as a last resort. I have tried using magic in the past, when I was much younger and "innocent", but it did not work.

I suffer from phobias, anxiety (panic attacks, fainting, crying, shouting). A small dose of antidepressants and the occasional chill pill (mostly benzos) usually help me.
I go to the appropriate doctors for my issues and take my treatment responsibly.

However, I was also a victim of bullying as a child which led to a suicide attempt and me scarring my left arm for life by scratching it really hard until it bleeds, then not leaving the scar alone.

I tried praying, hypnotism, relaxation, and relaxing music. They all worked... at one point. Hypnotism had some nasty side-effects so I'd rather not try it again, even if it works really well on me.

My psychologist told me to stop being so negative and projecting so much negative energy. I'm guilty of that. I want to be positive and to let go of all my past wounds and present problems.

The thing is, I don't believe in anything anymore. I spent the whole day in bed because college terrorizes me. I'm starting my Masters and I am extremely scared of having to do research and just life in general.

I need your help guys.

Can someone please help me with beginning magic?

All I have is a pendulum and a couple of stones that I can't identify.

I'd like help against phobias, protective spells against bullies and people who harm me with words, healing spells for my "tense" areas (neck, headaches).

I think I also need a way to have confidence in myself because I really want to practice magic.

I'd also like to get rid of my fears of exams and school.

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the only thing i know is to face your fears. drink some calming tea and meditate. have someone there you trust and can talk to. in terms of magic, i'm not too sure.

First, I really want to thank you for answering my message. It means a lot to me.
I'm not looking for a religion, or to become one of the witches in Charmed. I'm not interested in cursing people or anything like that, just to be clear.
I read up on Magick and I think some spells could help me feel better and safer, and could help me conquer my fears.
As my father is a devout Christian who has narrow-minded views on many things, I can't buy supplies, but I already have some, so it's okay.

I read about stones, and I tried purifying an old stone I have. I held it, clenching my fist, and fell asleep holding it. I found its soft entry spot, and I touched it many times to create a bond with it.

I don't know if there's a link, but even if the stone rolled off my bed, I ended up sleeping very peacefully, and I'm currently preparing myself for college tomorrow, which I couldn't have done yesterday.

I also lit up a match, which is something I haven't been able to do in years because I was too afraid of fire.

Do you have other suggestions of things/ spells I could do or areas of magick I could explore that could help me too?

I'm not confident enough to contacts the Goddess yet and I'm not sure that's what I want to do.
I'm just looking for relief and peace, which I got with the stone.

Along the lines of what was said earlier, sadly the only way to fully stop such phobias and anxiety is to face their cause. This need not be literally, but facing them internally is quite important.

Any method that simply removes, or glosses over your fears locks them away. And this can cause all sorts of further issues as the matter is repressed. As this is all that they do. They repress and lock away the sources of the fear and the anxiety.

Instead of simply seeking a cure, use methods to gain confidence and self esteem. Use this to stare down the cause of your mental distress. Use it to overcome, and evolve, and grow beyond your trauma.

I understand, but medication is numbing my pain away too.
Are you saying I shouldn't begin studying magick?
I thought protection and calming spells were there for a reason, to help people like me. I see doctors on a regular basis and they have advocated the use of hypnosis... ever since I tried using this as a last resort.
I had adverse effects from hypnosis like I said, and numbing my brain to pain isn't what I'm looking to do.

My understanding is that if I use spells to help me fight my fears (fight being the important word here) I could finally dominate them.

As in, in a video game, getting better weapons to defeat a boss... but still defeating it alone.

I have tons of willpower. That's the only thing I do have.

I truly think I'm a good candidate for learning magick. I'd really appreciate it if someone could guide me on my path. I don't want to accomplish anything "big". I've heard good luck spells are a good way to start, but I need more information from people who are knowledgeable, because reading can only get me so far.

No, I'm not saying not to learn magic. I'm telling you that you should use your tools to help face things down. Healing and protection aid you in overcoming these things. They are not a solution by themselves.

I understand that there's no easy solution to my problem. Otherwise, I'd be cured already. Thanks for saying that I can still try magic. I don't expect impressive, movie-like results. A little push to fight my fears and bring me positive energy is what I need.

Are there any spells from the website or another source that you'd recommend?

I want to prepare myself for next week, because I have a lot of work ahead of me. I'm currently trying to make a dreamcatcher out of paper and some craft supplies I have lying around.

There are many things that you can do to help you get started and work out your issues. First off I would suggest learning about your chakras. Cleansing and balancing them can benefit you by bringing you in touch with your energy and how things effect it. Meditation and self healing are also a good place to start in my opinion. If you need any help, feel free to mail me. Just know that no one spell is going to fix it. Love, light and blessings ~Angie :)

Facing our fears is much harder done than said. I would advise you to temporarily weaken/gloss over/remove your problems. This could be done using various stones(e.g. jasper, onyx, obsidian, etc) and herbs, creating a daily ritual to weaken/remove the effects.

When they are removed/weakened greatly enough, I'd advise you to work on activating your chakras as well(like Lightseer). This would not only bring about feelings of peace, security, happiness etc in each respective area but would also provide you with enough power and experience to face your fears which you ought to do next at whichever pace you wish.

Compare to a video game where you know you have to face a boss but at your current level you would be defeated easily or semi-easily. So you spend time leveling up and acquiring better weapons so that when you face the boss you and defeat it and move on.

Thank you so much for the help, this makes a lot of sense.
The only stone I have are Amethysts, and one transparent stone I can't identify. I also have amber, but I fainted on the single day I wore it, so I consider it a "cursed" stone for me.
I've started bonding with the transparent stone, but I don't know which properties it has since I wasn't able to identify it.

Would doing a ritual with this stone and an Amethyst be okay?
Could you suggest some easy rituals I could perform even if I can't go buy something at the store?
I have oregano and a couple of other herbs.

I used to have a turtle made of Amethyst but I lost it. I still have an owl and a cat, and I plan on wearing one of these stones to college tomorrow.

How can I work on opening my chakras? According to a test I took, my only healthy chakras is the one linked to talking, I believe the throat chakra. All the other ones are too closed.