Hi there,
I'm looking for advice on selecting a coven. What are the do's and dont's, and what is it like if join a coven and find out that its not for you.?
Take your time. Read all the coven pages, check if the HPs are on regularly. Get to know members of the coven, to see if you get on, - chat with them in the public chatter.
Most coven leaders won't mind if you mail them with sensible questions about their covens.
If you do find you made a wrong decision, just politely leave and choose again. Many SoM members tried a few times before they found exactly the right coven for their requirements :)
I would also recommend that you find a coven that teaches the things that you practice and follows along with your same lines of learning and wanting to learn. There is a coven for everyone at least that is the general idea.
I don't necessarily think one should jump from coven to coven, but I don't see anything wrong with leaving a coven if you feel it isn't right for you. Coven leaders from what I've seen are normally understanding of this and it's better to find the right coven than to belong to one that isn't beneficial to you. Also as mentioned it's perfectly understandable to contact coven leaders to learn more about the coven and even possibly coven memembers before deciding to join. If a coven forum is also public that can give you insights into the coven itself.
Alright, let's take this step by step. I'll throw my two cents about the matters.
Here are some things you may want to think of before applying to any specific coven:
Religion/beliefs
Many covens are associated with a specific religion, or at least some sort of spiritual genre (such as being generically neo-pagan). All will tend to ask that you be open to and agreeable with their beliefs, but some covens will not require that you actually be a member of any particular faith. Even those that do not have a set religion will usually have certain beliefs. They may not necessarily be written down or made official, but that makes little difference if every person in the coven believes a certain thing (such as, "vampires do not exist").
Ethics
Magick, like any power, has certain ethical considerations, and whatever your ethical beliefs may be, I'm sure you don't want to be part of a coven that views your behaviors as evil (and to be frank, I'm sure they don't want you either). Ethics usually relate to any religious or spiritual belief held by the coven, but they are not quite the same thing and it is entirely possible to find two Gardnerian covens with very different views on sexuality or hexing.
Accessibility
How much work does it take to spend time with this coven and how much time can you actually spend with them? I don't know if you want an in-person coven or a coven here on SoM or what, but the same basic principles apply. How often does the coven meet (or post in their forum or whatever), and how often would you like to meet (or discuss) with your coveners? If you only want to meet every few weeks you'll miss out in a very active group, and if you want to meet frequently you will feel very unfulfilled with a group that meets only on full moons. Also think about how hard it is to actually meet with them.
Specific activities
We know you want a magically active coven, but in what way? Do you want big group rituals, or small workshops on specific things? Or would you like classes on solitary magick? Or perhaps you seek a coven that likes to practice spellcasting upon members. And what about other things covens do? What about things which are not magick, but which are magick related (like yoga and meditation)? And would you prefer one type of magick over another (New age magick over Hermeticism, for example)?
