I am a 63 year old former combat paratrooper with PTSD. I served two "tours" in the jungles of Vietnam as an Infantryman. I served seven years on the chain gang in Raiford Florida during the 1970's on drug and related charges. I have traveled much in the world, Europe, etc. I have met many people from every socio-economic strata. I have put my war experiences behind me years ago I believe and have been drug and alcohol free for a year and a half currently. In short I have experienced many things that most Western people have not yet my most profound experience wasn't in war or prison or even amongst my numerous travels.
It was on a bright sunny Sunday afternoon in a Barnes and Noble bookstore in Augusta, Maine. The date was July 22nd 2012 when my wife and I went to the Augusta Mall. She went next door to the crafts store while I went to the bookstore to browse some magazines where she said she would meet me.
As I entered the store and turned to my right I saw a beautiful petite woman. She saw me first and her jaw dropped ever so slightly as if she recognized me. The sunlight was strong coming through the window behind her. The light filtered through her hair giving the appearance of a halo. Simultaneously though there emergered a bright red glow from the floor beneath her.
Heaven and Hell ? (I grew up Catholic)
Her eyes (blue, the same as mine) bore into mine and I was helpless to focus on anything else but hers. She never looked at anything but my eyes and as said I was helpless.
I walked right up to her but had no thoughts in my conscious mind. (I meditate and have yet to reach that point)
It was as if I was in a trance. I was face to face with her and she had this magnificant smile. I on the other hand had no smile and said nothing at all. As I looked into her eyes suddenly I was floating down through a blue sky with a blue-green ocean and her big, broad smile on the ocean floor.
This lasted no more than a second or two I estimate and her smile dissipated and her eyes took on a pleading look.
I can only imagine what she must have thought as surely I must have appeared to her as some recently discharged mental patient.
I "pulled out" from her eyes and looked down at the magazine rack with no thoughts.
I felt her move around me to the other side of the aisle. At this point one would have thought that I would have collected myself and thought something like. "It's okay she was just being nice, go and say Hi and introduce yourself, just act human."
But there were no discernable thoughts. Still somehow I moved around beside her. It was if someone had moved me like some chess piece because I was a hollow shell like someone had perfomed a lobatomy on me.
I was beside her as she was looking down as I had done previously. Then suddenly and abruply I moved quickly away from her. I did not consciously do this. There were absolutely no thoughts, it was if I "was moved" by instinct.
I did glance at her and saw her tightly clench her jaw and move away. It was if I had rejected her but I would never do that to anyone who was so pleasant yet alone to someone who was so attractive and appeared to like me.
I walked out the door without looking back and returned to our car where I slumped into the driver's seat exhausted.
My wife came shortly thereafter asking where I had been as she was in the bookstore looking for me.
I mumbled something as I drove off.
This brief, perhaps two minute experienc was like as LSD trip yet I hadn't done any drugs including smoking weed in decades and I had been completely sober for 13 months prior to this surreal experience. The colors and experience were vivid and I was like in some sort of trance-like state, powerless to think, smile or speak.
A day or so afterwards I started to obsess about this and went back to the store repeatedly hoping to see her again in hopes to explain(How could I when I don't understand what happened?) or at least to apologize for my boorish behavior that I was not responsible for. Who could possibly believe this? Even I cannot.
I have never had any experience as surreal as this with hallucinations even in my years of drugging and drinking nor have I since.
I am angry, confused, frustrated and embarrassed and hoping for any insight.
Perhaps it was the Goddess. If so I envy you friend. If it was just a hallucination then I don't know what to say. Or perhaps a succubus. I suggest asking some of the covens or searching for the women on the Internet.
I'm assuming it was something like a succubus or some type of demon, though a succubus has no physical form. It could have been any number of entities, though I believe in very few of them, but in any event I doubt she was "divine". It appears to me she was trying to bait you so to speak and you instinctively as you said backed off causing her to grow angry that it didn't work. Pretty much she clenched her jaw angry that you were able to resist her...charms. My advice is don't apologize as she should be the one to apologize and no offense but from your strong...reaction at the very least you'd probably cheat on your wife as you barely resisted her the first time from how you describe her and your encounter though if she was a demon or dark entity I doubt it would be that simple. You need to do something to get rid of this obsession.
Before we look for supernatural reasons, its worth taking a look into physical reasons. You've mentioned the use drugs. Now apart from weed, have you ever done chemical drugs, specially hallucinogens? Even if its done once, these chemicals stay in your body and kick back years later, when you least expect it.
If not, chances are you've met this person in the past (perhaps when you were intoxicated), and you felt a sense of familiarity but couldnt place her. You felt drawn to her and couldn't understand why. And then bolted and ran out.
I really dont think she was a sex demon. If its bothering you so much, make friends with security at Barnes & Nobles, see if you can go through camera footage and get some information about her.
Thanks Jet and to the rest of you as well who answered me. Your repsonse seems to me to be very insightful. The woman did appear to have two sides to her as at first I saw the halo but then a bright red glow from the floor beneath her feet. She had a big, beautiful smile and her eyes bore deeply into my eyes for a long time. No one has ever done that to me to that extent before and I admit I felt like some helpless prey. Like a fly before a spider. She was shaking her left leg back and forth as she peered into my eyes. When I came face to face with her and she saw that I had no facial expression or didn't (could not) speak she did have a concerned look in her eyes so that would appear to impart a "goodness" on her part.
I myself have never encountered a demon, though this certainly does sound like one. Most entities we encounter lack a physical form, however I do believe it is still possible for a demon to temporarily take on human form. I don't think you have much to worry about, you did handle the situation very well considering. Your higher instincts (I think in meditation or hypnosis it's called the metaconsciousness) kicked in exactly when they should've and you avoided becoming fully entranced before it was too late. Your experience with mediation and possibly drugs (the former is still a far better route to take) may have even helped you build up a resistance to this succubus. Your overcoming the difficulties and challenges in life may have also strengthened your soul and given you the resolve for your instincts to take over.
While I'm very far from an expert on demons, I can assure you this one did not come from Hell. Heaven and Hell are the Christian interpretation of the afterlife, the cosmology of the astral plane is far more complex and very rarely so clearly separated between good and evil.
The morality of demons varies as greatly as that of humans, but there are some guidelines I've heard for meeting with them. First, you must never believe that they have power over you, if you do not believe in your heart that you can resist their magic, you will be vulnerable. Second, mark your territory and make sure they know you can see them for what they are, you can resist their power, and you are in control of the situation. Third, remain focused, aware, and in control of the situation, don't lose focus or concentration on what's happening. Fourth, above all else, have faith in yourself, no demon can overpower the will of a human unless we allow them to.
You are young yet your response to me appears nothing short of amazing.
I feel as if somehow I have been cursed by my rejection of that woman.
Despite my emotional/anxiety problems I believe I am a very grounded objective reasoning individual and as said am complety sober.
I have never had such a surreal experience with any other individual in my entire life as I did with that woman. In fact there isn't even any experience that comes close.
What is especailly strange as I think about it all is that this woman seemed designed personally for me because she matches all my physical desires in a woman. Even her very eyes which is at the essence of our encounter seemed to be like mine.
As said previously she stared deeply into my eyes and that is all she ever looked at and it was if she controlled me and I couldn't look at anything but her eyes.
Initially I did see her in her entire form from a distance of about 25 feet but after that it was eye to eye contact.
I do feel bad though that this person gave me such "love" with her big smile and eyes and I made her leave angrily with a clenched jaw.
The curse I speak of is that I think about her every day and even visit the book store daily and especially on Sunday afternoons.
Saturday I was out having lunch with my wife and as she was speaking the face of that woman appeared on hers appearing to come in and out of focus as I tried to dispell the image.
I have been through many events in my life, I've seen people die numerous times before me including a good friend of mine murdered by my side yet this recent event 7 months ago has effected me more than anything else ever has. Every day I remain haunted.
My wife suspects something is extra wrong with me lately but thus far I have been able to conceal what is bothering me from her. She would be hurt I'm sure although I did relate some of this to her months ago not in the detail I have here on this board.
I recently sold my H&K .40 pistol and my shotgun because I no longer feel comfortable around them as I am very impulsive and get flashes of anger and then depression.
I feel I need to meet this woman again and have verbal comunication to understand why I was like I was that afternoon in her presence.
I wish I could say I was embellishing what I have said here but I have not to any degree.
If anyone had told me what I have said here prior to me experiencing what I did I wouldn't have been able to empathize and so I know that most likely no one else will.
But I appreciate youra as well as the others responses.
Again, I know very little of demons, but I do have some theories. This woman continues to sound like a succubus, so there are a few conclusions that can be drawn from that. First, demons are shapeshifters (their true form likely cannot exist in our world) so it only makes sense for a succubus to take the form of your, excuse me if this is inaccurate, fantasy woman. I do not know if what you saw was a general skill she possessed or if she read your mind, though her nearly taking control over you seems to suggest she has telepathy.
Second, succubi are known for feeding off of men's life energy (there's no way to tell how much, but probably not enough to cause lasting damage without repitition) through sexual intercourse. Most myths have them coming to husband's bedrooms in the night and many scholars take the myths to be an explanation for wet dreams. Assuming the stories are correct (I've found that every story has a grain of truth at the center) then a succubi approaching you in public seems unusual. This implies that she was somehow unwilling or unable to locate a target at a better moment or location (demons have also been known to teleport, but doing so in physical form may be costly).
If she were after you specifically then I'm sure she could have found a time where you were more vulnerable. However, the impact she's had on you indicates that she either prepared for you or is of a great enough power that she could have gone for anyone at anytime she wished. It's unlikely she was worried about any sort of risk involved in her endeavor, if humans had developed a defense mechanism against succubi then they would have found another method of feeding so they could coexist better with us. I have been assuming that this woman is primarily motivated by rational self-interest (a safe bet for a demon, few are malevolent), but adding all of this together opens the possibility to something else.
It is very clear that this woman, whatever she may be, has had a profound effect on you. One thing you absolutely must do is TELL YOUR WIFE. Keeping this a secret from her does you no favors, you sharing this with her will make you both stronger and less isolated from one another. I know this is scary for you, I can't imagine you were acquainted with the supernatural before this incident, but you can't treat this any differently than you would a normal crisis in your life. You keeping this a secret (you can leave magic out of your explanation if you wish, not everyone is guaranteed to understand) is as detrimental to yourself as it would be any other way. The woman you love deserves to know what is troubling you, otherwise you risk drifting from her.
Regarding the succubus, if problems persist I recommend learning some basic protection spells, if you message me I can share some of mine with you. There are some other people here who know how to summon and speak with demons safely (this is a much bigger commitment than simple defense, so don't do it unless you have someone to help or the time and resources to push yourself) so I'm sure there is a way to communicate with the succubus you saw if you so wish. Additionally, I have a talent for astral projection and divination, so I MIGHT be able to assist on my end if you give me some more information (use the mail system). I'm happy to help you any way possible.
Once again, I must remind you to never lose faith in yourself and the people you love. Everything you've endured, every challenged that you've faced, every obstacle that you have surmounted in your life is your greatest source of power. Being connected to others, especially those you love dearly, are another source of your power. So long as you have this power, nothing can harm you. You have survived war, come out of PTSD, and beaten addictions, I can't imagine someone stronger than you are to have gone through so much and still be here, living a life that is worth living and worth protecting. Be strong and be faithful in thyself my friend, for you can emerge from this situation as you have any other, wiser and even stronger than before. Blessed be.
Hello again sir. I highly suspect this is a succubus or some supernatural entity. If this is the case I would seek someone in person who can help you. Good luck.
