I need help

I am in love with this man and all I can think about is him, I cry, scream get very depressed and a little obsessed with him. He was married when I met him, they had been separated for 9 years or so. We planned our wedding for which I paid for. We went to a lawyer for his divorce paid the money, well when the wedding date came we "fake" married while being told the lawyer working on divorce. Now 4years latter he is still married and I kicked him out of my home. I'm so hurt mad depressed. Oh and I had an affair with another man while we was together, it was so very wrong of me. I do believe I'm a bad person for that. He is also 14 years older than me and little like oil and water.
We have been split sence September of 2013. Any advice or help I would appericate and thank you in advance and reading this.

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So why did you post this on a site aboat magic
and all I heard whas that
-you married or fake married a man who whas real married
-You paid for the divorce (and according to my semi acurate knowledge of the law they can take 10 years or mor to get thro if the other person refuses to sign it)
-you had a afair
-and then you kicked him aot
All im hearing are mistakes on your side on every corner, even knoe I dont think that anyone would take you back, but a apology is worth gold (and I think that its prety abious but on your end)

Sorry to put it on the wrong site, didn't mean to do that. I did do a spell but not sure I did it right, just thought I would ask.

Well if I where to suggest a spell than I wouldn't use a love but a attract love spell (love spells are horrible)

But nothing works bater to get your emotions in check and perspective than meditation

My spell I did was for me to get over him and the other was for him for him to have nothing but good, I just hope I did them right. I won't do love, that is the last thing I deserve

Well than I would suggest daily meditation

I do my very best to do my meditation I have a good place to go, how do I know if they worked or worse yet they went wrong?

Ok, Thank your help, I appericate it

Sounds like the two of you never had a true relationship. He was lying about his relationship to you and to his wife. And you had an affair which casts doubt on how serious you were about the relationship as well. Since you're still obsessed with this relationship even though you say you're over him. I would suggest that you seek some professional help rather than spells to deal with not being able to move foreward with your life.