I am currently in a muddle. I am a Wiccan woman and my lover a highly Christian man (church band, attends every Sunday, etc.) please do not think ill of me but I also have feelings for another man and would like to know how to bring up the topic of polyamory to my primary lover. Please acknowledge that I have not done any intimate things with the other man. Also my primary lover wishes to have a Christian wedding but broke a compromise of if he would handfast I would entertain the idea. How do I get him to understand that I can't go through with a ceremony that is not my own?
It's doubtful a highly devote Christian man would entertain the notion of his wife or lover being with other men. I think it's possible you could convince him to forego a traditional church wedding, but I think it's more likely something more non-religious and neutral would sway him over having a full Wicca based wedding as then he would not be going against his beliefs.
In the end sharing his wife would be going against those beliefs and it's likely this topic will bring up friction in your relationship so I would focus on it first. I would delve into the feelings you say your having as your considering marrying this man and it is likely that it's a combination of cold feet and not wanting to give up other men that is causing you to acknowledge these feelings given the timing of them. I would only bring up these feelings if it were more than lust or feelings that were likely short term. I would also weigh the feelings for your primary lover as you call him against these other emotions to judge whether it is worth it to bring up the topic.
Very difficult situation. Sit him down and calmly explain everything, hopefully you will come to an understanding but with two different personal viewpoints I feel one will not be met. You both will need to make some tough choices and if it means although you love each other this road before you isn't one you're strong enough to walk you break up, understand its painful but for the best.
I have a covenmate whose fiance is Catholic, she is fine with his faith and even comes to our circles to watch but they must marry in a church and the kids must be raised Catholic. My covenmate has made an agreement to marry in the church, and while the children can celebrate Christian holidays, if they have any questions he will tell them his views. [But he's so pro Wicca and anti Christian I know he will bring it up to the kids lol] my point is the both of you need to make sacrifices and compromise, say marry in a church but the kids are raised Wiccan, or perhaps the both of you don't marry but live together.
When my Wiccan fiance told me she needed other men I broke up with her. Granted I was not that into her or Wicca so it was no big deal for me to walk away.
Thanks for the insight. I've chosen not to discuss polyamorism with him but we have had a lengthy conversation about the future. Thanks to all who replied
