First off I could careless if you believe me or not and I do not role play. I'm going to give you a few details of my life and then I will explain why I am sharing this.
My earliest memory is of being in a car wreck when I was 5yrs old. I remember waking up from a dream where I was in a two story white farm house talking to a man made out of shadows who promised me I would never be alone and I would never feel afraid, that he would give me someone to protect me. I woke up from that dream in a hospital bed. For weeks after that I dreamed of the shadow man and talked to him. I also started having an imaginary friend that only I could hear. Fast forward 9 years when I was 14, I started seeing things before they would happened and could feel others emotions. I also learned my imaginary friend wasn't so imaginary as in times of distress or pain he would take over. He explained he was a demon placed inside of me when I died, as you can guess I became very depressed and suicidal. My inner demon actually said he was sorry for causing me that pain. We undertook a ritual to merge our souls as one until the day I die. A year later I met the only person I have ever loved.
I won't go into the long details of our relationship. I will just say she is what I refer to as a natural witch. She had so much power especially over nature and she never realized it. She was depressed and honestly I wanted to take advantage of her, instead I fell in love and did all in my power to protect her and make her happy. During this time I learned about my demon's past that a long time ago he fell in love before and she was burned and he lost it and wiped out an entire village and was sealed away for centuries for his actions. Over the years I learned other abilities I have as well because of merging my soul. Anyways because of my love for my one and only and her influence in my life I broke away from what I was suppose to be and started living life as humble and nice as I could be. I'm always the first to try and help out someone. Fast forward to a month ago. My love of 17 years passed away in a tragic accident. I feared the anger and rage growing so against my own instincts I walked into the hospital chapel, sat down with chaplin and asked him to pray for both my love's soul and mine.
After that I felt lighter, I was still sad that my love was gone but the rage building inside was gone and both parts of my soul felt pure for the first time in well ever. Now to bring us to the present. I can feel the anger and rage building inside again, everything within me screams for revenge of my goddess' death. She died for such a stupid reason due to the greed and desires of other people and I want to make them suffer as they made her suffer and caused her death. This is my problem, I swore I would always protect her even after she passed away, I want to take revenge for her but I know she would not want that, she could never harm anyone. I want to take all this rage and anger out of me. It is impossible to remove a merged soul but I need something that can lock up my darker side or at least block out the negative emotions.
Forgot to explain, the car wreck when I was 5, I was pronounced DOA and was revived at the hospital. I learned about it from my mother when I was 24 during a conversation about my older brother being in a coma when he was a child and I said it must have scared her and she said not as much as you dying for a few minutes as a child.
Wow just wow man what a history you have well have you ever heard demon infusing? oh before i cover that i want to say something the background of the demon sounds like the one from an oni to keep it short oni are demons from japan that used to destroy villages the shaman used to seal them as they couldn't kill them with normal methods. Returning to the main topic the Oni might had been ordered to protect you and act as a guardian by that "shadow man" for me the shadow man could be a powerful enough demon to move a seal to a body and to order an Oni, but it seems you could make the demon infusing which is basically merging the demon and your soul as one, you're lucky the demon recognized you as someone he can trust, normally demons are discriminated by humans and can't make bonds with them but you were with him since your birth so maybe he acted more as a father and was helping you.In order to block your darker side you must meditate the demon is still alive he might feel alone since you don't talk with him as much as you did so i recommend to meditate visualiza your mind as a place where you feel good after that just try to communicate with your demon and he may come if you can't communicate try more till you can do it at least that works for me but i usually work with elementals in elemental infusing but it's more temporal i once infused with a demon temporally so he could teach me some things i wanted but it didn't end well :/ I wish you good luck!
Thunderspell, first off thank you. I looked up what an Oni was and found the following on wikipedia.
''Depictions of oni vary widely but
usually portray them as hideous,
gigantic ogre-like creatures with
sharp claws, wild hair, and two long
horns growing from their heads. [2]
They are humanoid for the most
part, but occasionally, they are
shown with unnatural features such
as odd numbers of eyes or extra
fingers and toes. [3] Their skin may
be any number of colors, but red and
blue are particularly common.''
The reason that part stuck out was because I'm 6'6'', both my fingernails and hair grow fast (for example I usually cut my fingernails every week cause they get too long), and I have had 6 wisdom teeth pulled during the course of my life. (2 on top 4 on bottom) Just glad I don't have horns. The page also mentioned using holly to ward off Oni. I know certain metals will block my energy so I am wondering what keeping a holly leaf on me will do. Figure its worth a try. As for meditating I realized I haven't since before my love passed. I'll give it a try first. Thanks again, gives me a direction to pursue.
Thunderspell and LeoKhan86, I took your advice and meditated. Wasn't really necessary as I was told all I needed to do was ask. The rage I was feeling was a defense mechanism. The rage was to keep me from feeling other emotions that was feared would have deadly outcomes. Kind of like if someone was complaining of feeling chills and setting them on fire. I still feel anger but thats normal considering why I feel it towards them. To help understand, my love and I were going away on vacation the day after she died, she died because she was forced to work a day she was suppose to be off picking up some coworker on a back road she should never have been on. That is why I feel the anger.
Thor, thank you. She was the only person who ever knew every single last detail of my life as I was the only one who knew her completely. Her love for nature from all animals to all plants and rocks and her love for me and her honest and humble ways changed me and made me better. I use to be so dark and twisted to begin with, now I am alot different, I try to help people without a hidden agenda or expecting something in return. I'm glad she was in my life to change me and guide my life in a positive direction.
i am happy to help it's good to see people changing their lives it's a good thing the Oni was kind enough to quit those anger feelings in order to protect you i forgot to say it on my first reply but my condolences i hope for you the best and be sure to try talk often with your demon it's difficult to have a merged soul
