I messed up. need help!

Hello,
I am not new to spiritualism, meditation, religion, or the power of the mind. I thought I could handle casting spells, but I'm afraid I have messed up. I was angry at someone I worked with, so I cast a spell of harm against him. I don't work there anymore, and have lost track of him. I also started "dabbling" with sigil magick. I cast a couple sigils that haven't work, unfortunately I tried once a sigil for a small more specific amount of money, as test, how can I draw an amount that I can feel sure I created. I figured I would win the amount from a lottery ticket. Instead three months later my Mom passed away and She didn't have insurance, but her work paid out a small amount split between me and my sisters that was the amount I asked for. :( I also have found out that the guy I worked with has since been admitted to an insane asylum. ( he was crazy anyway, but...)
I always had considered myself a good a straight minded person, with only good intent for the rest of the world, but started feeling dissatisfied with life. I've seen things online about people who possibly practice magick that are "in power" that I feel are not "the best or nicest" people. So I figured I can handle it. OH PLEASE, FORGIVE ME.
Last week I started trying to get back in shape so I went to work out, and got Rhabdomyolysis. (Rhabdomyolysis is the breakdown of muscle tissue that leads to the release of muscle fiber contents into the blood. These substances are harmful to the kidney and often cause kidney damage.) I was in better shape still than the beginners in this beginner class, and my teacher told me he has never had this happen. I was a student of this class for years when I was younger, but it's been a few years since I've attended. The doctors assured me I'm healthy, through a number of tests, and that I just worked out to hard. Okay possible. Since my Mom passed away I've been sitting on the couch drinking beer, until about three weeks ago. then stopped cold turkey. So possibly my body is in shock. I was in the hospital form last Saturday until this Thursday. Friday I became violently ill. Diarrhea and throwing up dizziness and it felt like my heart was swelling up in my chest. I went back to the emergency room, they said I possibly caught a bad flu that's going around, they did an EKG test and a chest X-ray and said my heart is healthy. I have never felt unhealthy, although I'm changing my diet, because my sisters kids are gluten intolerant, and if you are to and you have too much gluten you stop absorbing nutrients your body needs. Again, it's possible why I got the Rhabdo. I don't remember exactly what spells I've tried to cast, But wish to reverse it all. Obviously I can't bring back my Mom. But I feel like my health is do to possibly other spells I've tried to cast. I feel I have learned a valuable lesson and do not wish try any more spells. I don't know what to do. IF YOU ARE EVEN A LITTLE UNSURE OF WHAT YOU ARE DOING DO NOT ATTEMPT MAGICK! I've read that on your site and others, and now i believe it. I don't know what to do. I don't even normally take the advice of others, because I feel like I know what I'm doing, and I'm usually on point. But now I'm not so sure.

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This thread has been moved to Other Spells Discussion from Introduce Yourself.

Okay, so after reading all of that, I am still unsure what it is you need help with?

You're looking to stop or reverse the spells you cast? I read that by not casting a spell for a few weeks can weaken them. But I have done a cancelling out of spells I've done when I felt that it hadn't worked and wanted to cast a new one.

What your doing is the right thing coming clean within your self the spirit is all about experience, And god or what ever you believe in the spirit lets say is always forgiving. the things you could do that would help is write down what you've done wrong and go over what you can do to sow grace over these parts of your life. And once you find inner peace from these issues you should find that the gifts and blessings of the spirit are only positive energy and of light how can a shaman keep his traditions of his tribe if he see's his elders in the past of darkness he would lose that light of his culture inside. So Always remember that sometimes the rough things in life can be a blessing. The spirit is sacred you need to first see it sacred to see its power and mystery's, and it makes who you are in how you take it in. So look above these things and know that you have changed and it's the past. And find things that are positive to do in the spirit so you can become enlightened and grow into how its gifts are used right. You have to first be a child to become a saint.

If you need any advice or someone to talk to feel free to PM me.
Much Love and light to you
Willbur

But if your looking to make this bad energy sent out or thats present in your life gone, first you must show god or whatever you believe in the spirit that you have a clean heart and that these things are in the past.

The thing the spirit would want you to do or to make up for it, is to heal the spirit and to cover the impurity's of what was of falsehood that you have done with light.

(like meditate for them to have peace instead of the harm, or meditate on them to be bessed with truth instead of feeling lost)

Its simple you just have to see whats in front of you.
And it's important to take in how you can learn from these problems For light to grow over it and declare that's nothing of who you are. Every person is beautiful in their own unique way, and that's what the spirit really see's in you not what you've done wrong and you just did the first step by writing this forum. You doing better than most people to come clean in your self So feel good that you are now just right.

I know I need to come clean about some things in my life your doing better than me.

Can you summarize what you are actually looking for? There is a lot of information but nothing direct.

Don't worry, you're fine, just stop thinking about it and focus on something else in your life.

Well.. it seams your spells backfired and now you are dealing with consequences.
I am not a specialist to advice you to do this or that spell reverse, but in your case I would find one real specialist in your area based on recommendations, and contact with him in real life.
I don't think this will stop by itself - because of what I see it is getting worse and worse.

Im not expert at this but i would like to give my suggestion.
Spells work because of your willpower. They constantly need your willpower to work. So reduce your willpower to weaken your spell. This can be done by forgetting that you have casted the spell in the past. Alter your thinking into something other than magic. Hope this helps :)
Blessed be. :)