Hello, my name is Courtney and of course I am new!
In high school I was friends with a Wiccan who showed me so many things, even told me I was something called the oBlessed one and she was the acursed one. I never realized how much fun magic could be. I wasn't sure who I was, or what my calling was in High School until she showed me, and for a while I stopped because it took over my life, but now I'm back and looking to use it for me realistic reasons, instead of a way to alternate/change my reality.
Part of me is ashamed to believe in wiccans/pagans, etc. Mainly because my family believes in God and I've been through so much loss and have been hurt so much this is something that excites me. So I'm ready to start practicing spells, and learning the ways of wiccan/pagan, or whichever path I choose to follow.
One thing I struggle with is meditation, I have ADHD and can't sit still :(
Wiccans, Pagans and Witches will still exist even if you don't believe in them, they exist to everyone, even if you are highly religious. They are all different things too, so I would check out a few deffinitions to start you off.
Don't worry about the meditation, I also have problems sitting still so even after 8 years I struggle with meditation, over time it does get easier to a degree.
Don't take what you were told by your friend in High School as being Wicca. What she was telling you was a bunch of nonsense, probably based on watching too many episodes of Charmed.
If you'd like to learn more about what Wicca really is then I'd suggest you take a look at the threads "What Wicca Is and Isn't" and "Main Wicca Posts" in the Wicca Forum on this site.
You do realize that you don't have to be either Wiccan or Pagan to cast spells, do you not. There are many magic users who are good Christians and remain good Christians. Magic is a craft that can be practiced by those of any religion or of no religion at all. If you aren't interested in being a Wiccan or a Pagan then don't become one. There is no requirement that you change your religion to practice magic.
I can relate to this so much. When I was first introduced to Wicca a few years ago I had conflicting emotions because all of my family are Christian. Eventually though when I started focusing more on myself and less on others judgments I found Shamanism and it really called out to me. So now Im really into it. :)
