Hello everyone , my name is Michael , I'm 30 years old and I'm from Romania.
My story starts about 23 years ago , when my mother was cursed by another woman , that woman it seems had the "misfortune" of having 2 previous husbands die in accidents and now she was after my father . I don't know exactly what she did but it was bad for us , my parents got divorced eventually , a very ugly divorce , and my brother and i went through hell in that period.It wasn't just the constant fighting but the shadows too , me and my brother kept seeing things , hearing and feeling them. That slowly faded with time , and after i turned 20-21 i stopped seeing or feeling stuff , and I stopped searching for answers and slowly gave up on life.
After those events started to happen , like a year later , i started drawing pentagrams and planetary symbols , i didn't know what they were back then not exactly , but i liked seeing them and i felt drawned to them. Several years later when i was in my teens i got interested in magick and witchcraft and i started looking for answers , spiritual ones. I never found them to be honest.I went through different paths and systems , nothing really satisfied me they all seemed incomplete or false.
And now here i am , 30 years old , a broken man , I got no friends , I'm depressed , my whole life is a mess , i got no Gods to pray too , my health isn't great either , and i gave up on hope , it was the only thing i could do to save my sanity.I still hear the calling of magick , but it's like it's far away , like something is blocking me.If anyone can tell me anything helpful I'll be very grateful , I'm lost and I can't seem to find my way.
Sorry for the bad formatting , I rarely use forums.And I'm not crazy , I went to a psychiatrist when i was younger and besides of having a bunch of personality disorders because of childhood trauma I'm pretty sane.
Thank you for your time.
I'm so sorry that happend to you.. What you saw and heard were something called shadow people, they look like shadow figures, but they are also spirits, many people believe they are not good and warn who see them not to reach out to them (when you don't they eventually leave you alone) ifyou do you will see and hear more of these shadow people.
I know what it's like to be depressed, many others have been in those shoes, others succumed to it, others see help, very few take action, because they are afraid. You can't give up, as for no gods to pray to, I suggest you research on deities, see who you are drawn too, I was drawn too Anubis when I was really young, I saw him in my dreams, he eventually became my patron god.
I also don't have many friends, finding friends are hard, but there are ways you could try to reach out to people, like join a community online, play online games, join clubs, branch out, maybe even join a book club.
You said you enjoyed drawing planetary symbols, perhaps you could use that as a hobby? Star gaze, study planets, study the constellations, there is so much more out there in the universe we are trying to understand. There are people who grab a telescope and sketch the moon, while others take pictures of the moon. Find a planeterium and see if you can voulenteer or if you know a lot see if you can do shows for children.
There is so much out there, take a deep breath, show the world you are better then anything, you're alive, and can do anything you want to do.
Thanks a lot for your reply . About my post , now i see i wasn't very clear , got lost in the history.
My biggest questions are if whatever that lady did could still affect me or is it my own doing ? As a teen i was angry at the world so i decided to go dark , as dark as possible , so I kinda pledged my soul to Samael and Lilith , sealed the deal with a pentagram tattoo with their names inside of it ,I didn't perform any ritual when i did it.So I don't know if this 10 years streak of bad luck is my doing or inherited.Another thing is that i lost my talents so to speak , i used to have a very uncanny intuition , i could guess things about people i just met just by looking at them , sometimes quite complex things , they just came to me, i could tell if someone was dead or alive by looking at their picture , small things like that.Now is like i have a veil over my eyes , i can kinda see but not clearly.
Growing up i never had a lot of friends and never close ones , but i never felt alone or scared , like someone was always with me.Now i feel extremely lonely and terrified of the world , to be honest i don't really understand this world.
Sorry for the block of text , again , but this is what i need help with , is this the doing of someone else or my foolish self?
You could try cleansing yourself, I am afraid it isn't a curse, but sounds like you are just having rotten luck. I suggest also making a Honey Jar for luck or casting luck spells to increase it. As for the cleansing, burn sage in your house, take an epsom salt bath and wash downwards, focusing on banning the negativity that you are carrying, absorb positive energies, believe in yourself.
Also, don't worry about your soul, you actually can't sell that, you will always have one, if you were ever saved (baptized) then God will save you no matter what you do. (If you believe that)
I think it is hallucination.If you don't believe that.You can't see these things.If you believe god,(ýf you want to)You can carry praying.It is shield.If you carry it ,You don't have to ptay every moment.Before them,you must pray god to be 'relax'.All of them they are not real.Close your eyes.Ýn psychology if hallucination is not annoying,You are not sick.You have a lot of information.Whisper are your hallucinations.They are your information.You decide to do something.
I started casting when I felt like you do. It helps a lot. I also am lucky enough to work in a metaphysical store so I have constant access to everything I need and any knowledge I need to attain as well. Practice Magick and watch your life change for the better. White magic only don't bring any more harm into your life.
