Fighting dark-self?

Hello everyone, I'm not exactly sure how to begin this so I'll just throw it all out there and see if it connects with anyone.

I've been in a battle with myself, dark self I suppose I would call it, for a very long time. Currently my energy levels have hit rock bottom. I've sort of turned into a neutral non-emotional person, where I feel I'm so spiritually drained I can't even attempt things I use to find fun anymore, such as trying to AP.

I was wondering if there was a way to boost my energy levels, and sort of get a level head in order to try and push past this barrier. I'm not exactly sure if it's the other side of me making it so hard, or if there is more at play. I've tried banishing, asking gods for help.. I'm just not sure where to go from here.

It's almost like metaphorically speaking I've sat down and fallen asleep, and I can't seem to wake up.. I still have control, but no urges, no impulse.. I feel a bit dead inside. My emotions as I've said remain in sort of a neutral state, but when provoked they come out as extreme, then quickly fade back to neutral. I'm a bit confused, as I feel as though I just don't care any more. Though I know that to not be true as I feel I have to keep trying, I just feel like I'm trying to push a wall over at the moment.

Would anyone have any advice, or a way to re-energize myself? I'm sick of this dormant feeling.

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I have experience with this and what helped me was looking for the root of my problem. I had to take a really deep look into my childhood and things that happened to me that I was holding on to subconsciously. If you like to read , The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield is an excellent book (it's a series now) and it helped me a lot in gaining energy to do things again. I think it's important also to remember what you used to be passionate about before you felt this way and mimic those behaviors. Make sure your diet is healthy and balanced , with lots of fruits and vegetables to encourage an increase in energy. Try to do more things that are stimulating that you are interested in , try to reinvigorate old passions. Learning more about yourself will definitely help. Exercise, even minimal will not solve the problem completely, but it will make you feel better and that's a start! Take more opportunities, connect with people. In my experience, it's all about finding yourself again and learning to love yourself. Good luck !!

What your are describing to me is someone who may well be suffering from a clinical depression.

The first thing I would therefore recommend is to discuss this with your physician or seek out a trained counselor to help you get through this. Since this has been going on for some time, it may also take time and help to get you back to feeling your normal self again.

There is no magic that will make this just disappear; however, one method you might find helpful along with conventional therapy is the practice of mindfulness meditation. Clinical trials have shown that such meditation does have a positive effect on depression. You can read more about it at https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-courage-be-present/201001/how-practice-mindfulness-meditation

Also of possible benefit is eating a healthy diet, regular exercise, and getting an appropriate amount of sleep each night. Depression is the result of chemical imbalances in the brain and such attempts at healthy living can help to balance out these changes; particularly by increasing endorphins (the feel-good chemicals) in the brain.

Good luck to you. I hope you find this helpful.

I agree with lark and her concerns and advice, as it is absolutely sound and coming from a very experienced person. However I would also like to add a small caveat of caution in that regard; If you do feel like you need outside, professional help there are a couple cautions to keep in mind.

This is, of course, due to personal experiences so opinions vary. But by my experience, there is a legitimate difference between depression, and being depressed. The tricky part is in how difficult it can be sometimes to tell the two apart. So it is worth it to take the time to find a qualified psychologist, who is willing to take time in researching the ins and outs of your situation before making any sort of prescriptions. Otherwise there is a very real danger of more harm being done than good. Being given an incorrect prescription, the wrong dosage, or being given drugs that are not needed can severely magnify the issue.

As further caution, most medical doctors have only a basic training in psychology, and are trained by default to treat physical problems with physical therapies. It is easy to find many a tale of medical doctors writing a prescription with little investigation or without even suggesting to consult a psychologist. Instead using a shot in the dark, 'here, try this and see if it helps' basis. So always seek a second opinion from a qualified person in the correct field first.
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From a philosophical/spiritual point of view, it is not unusual for someone to fall into the occasional slump, or to have a 'crisis of spirit'. There are a few different things that can bring this about, but thankfully it is normally temporary and will pass as long as you can manage to keep trying to put one foot in front of the other.

I remember one particularly long-lasting slump I had been in. It was fairly early on in my learning, and I had reached a point where my awareness was growing, and I was starting to be able to look inward and examine myself. Who I was, what I wanted to learn, and also I was learning to open my eyes towards that darker part of the self where we hide the things we don't want to face. It goes by a lot of names. The shadow self, the dark half, the dark self as you call it. Whatever you call it, it is that part of yourself that most needs love and acceptance, to be brought up to the light to be learned from so you can grow past its influence. For a long while I felt stuck.

I used to describe it as the emotional and mental equivalent of being stuck in a cage. Most people are comfortable there because they don't know those bars exist, or even welcome them as a mark of safety or protection. But I had opened my eyes enough that I could see this metaphorical cage of my creation that was holding me back, and I had a desire to get outside of them. But the key was on the floor, past the bars, inches from my reach. I knew it was there, but I couldn't grasp it. It was a constant state of frustration and feeling somehow like a failure for my being unable to make myself move forward.

In the end I never did have any single 'AHA!' moment that suddenly let me break through my perceived barriers. Heh, Not for a lack of trying mind you. But instead my freedom from it snuck up on me. In the end, I slowly stopped focusing so hard on trying to defeat this cage. I stopped railing against the bars and despairing at their limits and my inability to break them down. Instead, I learned to change my focus to simply working to progress in any direction that gave me the opportunity. I decided to find comfort in the act of simply trying. I reminded myself, constantly, that as long as I did not give up, I was not defeated. Try and fail, try and fail, try something new, get a little bit, then fail, try again and fail, try, try, try, try. That is the part that I learned as what mattered. Then, one day (admittedly a couple years later) I looked back and took stock of myself again, and was surprised to realize that barrier I used to hold on to had slipped away. But while looking forward of course I saw a different one. A new challenge I had myself hemmed in by. But this time, I could smile at it because so far on my journey I had learned every step of the way, and that pattern wasn't about to change.

I guess, long story short, anxiety and depression and worry tend to be rooted in being aware of some sort of disparity. Be it expectation versus reality, desires versus resources, goals versus ability. They are always there, for everyone, and one of the objects of growing as a person is both being open to identifying these factors in your life and also in learning to accept that they are there so you can cope with them and move forward.

The best advice I can offer is to spend time in natural places if you can. Green settings with natural sunlight help to recharge the spiritual batteries, along with providing a setting conducive to relaxation, peace, and comfort that you can use to simply be in the moment for a bit. Take time to be in the here and now, to look out and observe something as being pleasant or beautiful or unique. It could be a pretty flower, a bird you don't see often. A dandelion seed floating on the air, or a shmushed doughnut on the sidewalk that a bunch of ants are making a meal out of. Doesn't matter. The fun part becomes when you challenge yourself to find something interesting or beautiful in what is usually seen as ugly or distasteful. It doesn't always work but it can be a fun game to try.

Also, find some sort of personal affirmation that you connect with and that helps keep you inspired. Something you can reflect on every time you are having troubles or feeling flat and disconnected. For me, it was "Life presents you with a choice. You can cope with it, or you can suffer from it.". For others, it is that classic line once inscribed on an emperor's ring; "This too shall pass." or it might be something more unusual, like that scene from Avatar the last airbender where Iroh says 'Sometimes you may find yourself in a dark place, where you do not where you are going, or where you have been. But as long as you continue to move forwards to the best of your ability, eventually you will come to a better place."

Find something that works for you as a personal message to keep plugging, and use it as often as you can. Also, don't forget to continue looking for new things to learn and study. They say that a good way to break free of a funk is to discover something new. ^_^

It's good to know I'm with good company. All three of you are correct, though I will say that depression is like an old cell mate of mine at this time. I have removed the problematic things in my life, and have plans laid out in order to get a fresh start. If I am to seek help, I think I will try a hypnotherapist, rather than allow myself to be put on mind numbing medication again. Through a rather long learning process I found the cause for my depression not long ago, and have started to mend.

However Spirit75 you really surprised me, the cage... the key. It has been about two to three years I've felt that in its entirety. I've found more walls then doors recently, and failure after failure has worn me out. Especially with AP, as this is my focus at this time. I had always figured if I could escape, I would find what ever it is I'm looking for... but maybe that's the point of it.

I suppose the reason is I simply need a break... again. To experience some things around me rather than in me. Punching at this wall is getting me nowhere, and I hate to admit it... but it will move on its own. I suppose the answer will come eventually, and in the meantime I'll figure out a way to occupy my time. I don't agree with it, even if there is a reason for it, but at the moment I have no choice, and no better options. I have a lot planned out, so hopefully something will help to break me out.

In the meantime I guess I'll work on healing... and staring at the back of my eyelids angrily till I get bored and fall asleep, heh.. Thank you for typing me up a storm, and actually helping me figure this out a bit more everyone. I feel the urge to type up a whole book about it to share, but we're all going through the motions, so I will simply say thank you.

Is there any possibility that you have a spirit attachment? They can grab hold of you and cause a lot of the fatigue and apathy like you are describing - emotional vampirism some call it. I had one for a long time and didn't know that's what it was. It made me sick, flares of anger and depression and I didn't care to live. Just wondering if you considered that? Perhaps you could find someone who could assess to find out. Hope you feel better.

You are certainly welcome. I am sure many of us know how much it can suck when it feels like you have been stuck in a rut for 'forever'. And the power of a few words of confidence.

Personally I have never tried being the recipiant of hypnosis. The subject has always fascinated me, But I haven't managed to get the opportunity. I like the idea of past-life regression as a way to explore old sources of deep-seated unexplainable challenges.

There is also a therapist who stumbled into between-life regression as well. He discovered that by regressing a person to a previous life then taking them through that life's death and following what happens after it can unlock extra memory or connect a person with their time beyond physical life. The tricky part from what I understand is in nudging the subject into continuing to observe beyond their death while avoiding planting ideas or false experience. He compiled a few case studies into a couple of books. Journey of souls and Destiny of souls. They might be worth checking out if you get the chance.

There is always the possibility of an attached spirit, and it is always worth getting checked out. I simply don't have the means to do so at the moment, and people who can actually tell what's what tend to have their own problems to deal with. That being said I do not think that's my problem, though I can't be sure, it feels as though I can't get energy back rather than energy being taken from me. I would love a dictionary on "How to explain spirit stuffs".

As far as regression therapy and hypnotherapy, I have always been fascinated by it, I think it allows you better sight into who you are as a person, and to be honest I think if you know who you are you have the keys to the kingdom. It brings up a lot of questions however, as I'm not sure why it is so difficult for us to perceive outside our normal senses. To be honest it has appeared to me that over time humans have become more and more locked down. It just doesn't seem right to me, our inability to do certain things easily, such as leave our own body makes little sense to me.

Life to me appears to be one rather large game, it has all the little tid-bits it would seem, which makes me question why is it so serious. I understand we are learning lessons, but that can't be it, it just doesn't sit right with me. Knowledge is hard to come by in this field of work... I could ramble on but...

As far as regression and dangers, I think most of the danger is simply trying to be someone you're not. A past life is not your current life, and I doubt you would have the same capabilities as you did then. Though I wonder if we use our past lives to build upon our future ones. It's all very interesting, but unfortunately I can only theorize about it.

As the great Fox Mulder said "The truth is out there" (lol).

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As far as regression and dangers, I think most of the danger is simply trying to be someone you're not. A past life is not your current life, and I doubt you would have the same capabilities as you did then.
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You are absolutely on the head with this one. Very, very wise of you to already have such a realization. This is a trap that many people fall into, especially people who leap into exploring past lives before developing a foundation of knowledge and experience to support the efforts first. I have seen people fall into this trap very often. Especially after being a part of the Otherkin communities for the last couple decades.

The foundational assumption of Otherkin rests on the idea of past lives, and in incarnating or otherwise existing in the past as something other than a human. But combine the inexperience of youth with the teenage angst of trying to find identity, and then images and knowledge about how you used to be, and you get a method of personal exploration and growth that instead becomes a spiritual boat-anchor. Luckily most eventually get past this, and realize the value of the here and now. But a few really struggle.