This might be harder for those who don't feel anything similar. I just want to know if there is a spiritual way to help with this issue. I will accept any advice, but please read everything before giving any advice.
All my life I felt like I never truly belonged anywhere. I've helped and did my work as much as my first 18 years I could. I've lived in many homes growing up, and everyone keeps telling me that I'll find my real "Home". My issye with that is, they always felt at home with the family and friends they had. I felt like my home is not here, I used to have a disliking twords people as I used to feel like I made a mistake by coming to the earth.
I just have had that urge and overly strong desire to lead a group, and help others to freedom. I did a couple readings and one of the most memorable lines was
" You are a person who has always had that strong sense to lead, you have the ability to bring others together and to bring the sense of freedom."
it just stuck with me. I know that no matter where I gowith my biological family or friend group, I sometimes just want to go to that home where i cant remember the name. I have that sense to break free, and lead. It sometimes feels strong.
I know I might of worded it weird, and I apologize for that. I did a lot of work today and im sorta tired.
Some of your life experience sounds a little similar to my own. I didn't actually move much in childhood, but my mother kept insisting we were about to, and I had to pack my things many times. Most of my adulthood has been similar, and I've lost everything a couple times.
I wasn't really allowed to have friends, went to churches that didn't let people express themselves or even ask questions, for fear of being told we were demon-possessed or whatever, so I never really had an outlet. I never belonged anywhere. At one point I thought I had to have been mixed up somehow in the cycle of incarnation, when I was reading about reincarnation and karma. I thought either I was meant to be born as something or someone else, or somewhere or some when else. For a brief time I considered whether my pre-life self wasn't even [meant to be] human. Nothing had ever been right in pretty much my entire life. But here I was, in this lifetime. So I trudged on.
Here's part of the thing with me: I didn't feel like a place was home until it was stable. I thought I had something at least close to that twice, before tables completely changed. This time, I've found my own house, and I'll live by my terms. This is where I live now, and this is home. It checks most boxes of what I've wanted, and I intend to live here a very long time.
And I've realized that some of these feelings are from the way I was raised, from being at least somewhat socially maladjusted, from developing social awkwardness and anxieties. It relates to being depressed, boxed in, and often unable to express myself. These are things I've worked hard to change over the years, and I think I'm finally getting there.
As for your reading, I don' know. It's up to your personal experience and your decisions of how you choose to lead and to help people. I wish I had some actual advice to offer, but you've found yourself in this life, and it's this life you're left to work with.
Personally, I grew up feeling separated from people around me as well. My perspectives and insights were often very different from my peers and even most of my family.
I was lucky though, because Igot pointed onto an introspective path fairly early on in life. It took several years of coming across little wisdoms and spiritual puzzle pieces though. For nearly ten years I felt like I had a jigsaw box, but to picture to use to put the pieces together. Every once and a while I would learn something that made a piece or two fit though, and bit by bit I started finding myself.
One of the linchpins was realizing I felt separated not because I wasn't connecting with others, but because I wasn't connected with myself. What is going on around you is very often a mirror to what is happening within. My recommendation? Keep working at understanding yourself. Eventually your insights will come together and you'll find that feeling of being at home within yourself. Once you do, you'll similarly find a better sense of purpose and inner guidance. And you'll find it easier to feel 'at home' and content with your surroundings as well.
Or, at least you will grow more certain on where/what that home should be, so you can get yourself there.
Some food for thought (or meditation, if you are inclined)
If you have an urge to lead, what is your definition of a leader? Someone who commands? Someone with power? Someone who teaches and helps others grow into their potential? A servant and guide? What qualities make someone a good leader, and conversely what makes someone a bad one? Consider these things often and delve deeply into the layers. Read about it as much as you can. Especially on the different types and forms of leadership.
Do the same for freedom. How do you define it? Is it relief from responsibility? Action lacking consequence? Or maybe about widening perspective and understanding to be free from base, reactive patterns? Is it about engaging self-aware choice making over knee-jerk instinct? Engagement versus reaction? Removal of certain limits? Would such freedoms be constructive? Conversely, what does one potentially learn and/or gain from missing specific freedoms?
For the Too-long, didn't read crowd; Explore explore explore. And then explore some more. You will eventually find what you are looking for, so long as you don't stop looking.
Ok I did not experienced all that you have but even under different circumstances I know how lost you feel. Just my word of advice. Don't let others tell you what path to take. Trust me I have family scattered all across the US and half of them hates me and the other half has given me 100s of different paths to take. Some even demand I go down their path.
So just follow your heart and don't let others in your life tell you what to do.
